twelve: everyone’s a little bit racist (sometimes)
Darwinian processes have nothing to do with optimization. They have to do with fitness. If you have a stupid environment you’re going to get a stupid fit.
—Alan Kay
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever write about current societal/political issues in my blog—let alone “the sensitive subject of race”—until now. But, in full disclosure, this is just a stream of consciousness exercise because, like many of you, I’m still fucking trying to work shit out.
Watching the video of George Floyd’s life very slowly being snuffed out of him in real-time was paradigm shifting. Once you’ve seen that, it becomes problematic in the consciousness no matter your race. You cannot unsee it.
I don’t think I’ve cried watching videos in the past year as much as I have in the past week (to clarify, this also includes the more recent uplifting videos of people coming together). We often talk about “9-11” events that change us forever and… This. Is. One.
[Unfortunately, it is actually one of TWO this year… anyone else remember the more than 1,000 strains of SARS-CoV-2 still out there?]
But let’s take a step back. If you haven’t noticed, I’m brown… a minority. According to my genes I’m 98% Filipino (and 2% cabernet sauvignon). We can thank these Asian genes for the fact that I’m turning 46 this year and yet everyone on IG thinks I’m in my late 20s or early 30s (full disclosure: mentally, I’m probably 26 so they are not wrong). We can also thank them genes for my semi-decent sense of rhythm and musical pitch (sadly, I think I’m only heterozygous for these TBH). Finally, we can thank them for the race-based incidents I have experienced in my life.
BUT—let’s be frank—I’m not one of the typically “disadvantaged” minorities. On the contrary, I estimate 99.7% of my life I’ve lived with a kind of “Asian privilege”. Just peek my CV. And peek the fact many Filipinos become highly educated [insert racist nurse joke here]. I do not know what it feels like to fear police, in fact, I respect them a lot because they have to make tough life or death calls under situations of immense stress just like physicians… maybe even worse because docs are not in the direct line of fire (not accounting for COVID-19, of course).
So, it’s complicated.
Still, let’s look at the handful of overtly race-based incidents that I can remember (there were definitely more, but these are the ones I have vivid “flashbulb memories” for):
In fourth grade, a kid used his index fingers to make “Oriental eyes” at my filipino friend and I in a store near my house. My friend’s mom told us we should have punched him, lol.
In sixth grade, my teacher, during a politics lecture to the whole class pointed at me and said I was “going to be a democrat because I was a minority.” (Honestly, I didn’t even know what that meant at the time, but it was literally the first time I ever felt like I wasn’t like everyone else in the school… in a bad way.)
In seventh grade, a good friend (since probably 3rd grade) convinced me to attend a club meeting after school with him because all the popular girls were joining and invited him. When we got there, several of them began name-calling me. The Queen Bee of the Plastics said, “I looked like [her] dog”. All my motherfucking “friend” did before I walked out was look embarrassed for me and shrug.
In 11th grade, I was filling up at a gas station when a homeless vet approached, threatened me with a crowbar, and told me he “killed my father in Vietnam.”
In undergrad, I was trying to help my friend with his student organization, but after several meetings the other officers told me I didn’t belong because of my race.
During the first month in Charlottesville, Virginia for med school some middle school kids at a Burger King asked me where I was from and then told me I should “go back.”
My first high table dinner at Oxford, where I was one of two guests of honor, I was sat next to a “known” racist Senior Fellow and he wouldn’t so much as look at me the entire evening.
Although, the homeless vet one shook me for months (literally I never went back to that gas station even though it was the closest one to home), overall, I’d say I’ve had it relatively easy. In fact, I’d wager many women I know probably have had much worse things happen to them because of their gender.
Thoughts?
Further, I don’t really regret experiencing these moments because I’ve learned and grown from them. It’s given me perspective. It’s kind of like that lesson from Robert Sutton’s business book, The No Asshole Rule…, we don’t want an organization completely free from assholes. Sometimes we need at least one asshole to serve as a reference for the rest of us on how NOT to act. It just so happens last week we were introduced to FOUR from the organization, Minneapolis.
Of course, it would have been preferable if one of these four assholes wasn’t homicidal, right? But if so, would we have enough outrage to shift the paradigm?
I think probably not.
So, I guess a revision to the Sutton rule is that if one asshole is completely, totally, unacceptably, unforgettably an asshole they can HOPEFULLY serve in that role in perpetuity… particularly if their asshole behavior is caught entirely on video and openly available for generations to come. A canonical asshole, if you will.
Quick thoughts about living in England for 3 years because I thought it was interesting… There, I felt racism was a little more insidious (in full disclosure, I did not have any notable racist incidents other than the one detailed above). On the one hand, anecdotally, strangers on the street appeared to be more fearful of me than in the US (which I honestly kinda liked). On the other hand, the Governing Body of my Oxford college tolerated an openly racist senior faculty member. I just checked online… he’s STILL teaching there to this day! And yet, a year after I left, the Governing Body very loudly booted the Principal of the college (the HEAD of the entire college) for expensing a first class flight (which he subsequently reimbursed)! Interesting priorities. Thankfully, the worst thing that racist ever did was ignore me and for my Oxford experience overall, the positives vastly—VASTLY—outweighed the negatives. Duh, it’s fucking Oxford.
[BUT, don’t you think the time is FUCKING RIPE for that racist faculty member and his Governing Body cronies to get the goddam boot as well? SEND THEM DOWN!!!!]
So, what the fuck are we all going to do now?
I am still absorbing, kneading, and reflecting but certainly ready for some action. One big step I’ve decided is that I am finally going to naturalize as a US citizen (I was born in Canada). Yes, that’s right motherfuckers. I’ve felt so privileged here that I never even found it necessary to become a US citizen even though I have had a green card and been eligible for DECADES. DECADES!!! Yes, that means I have NEVER voted. Not once. Not taking that for granted anymore.
[What is the first thing you feel compelled to do?]
Speaking of, I want to revisit the title of this entry… “Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist”. For those unaware, it is the title of one of the hit songs from the raunchy Tony Award winning musical Avenue Q… think millennial coming of age story but portrayed by an R-rated Sesame Street puppet/human hybrid cast. You can see the lyrics HERE (or better yet, watch the entire scene on YouTube).
[Irrelevant anecdote: Between my sister and I, I’m ashamed to admit, we’ve seen Avenue Q possibly over two dozen times all over the world. Last year, I was fortunate, after a 15-year run in NYC, to attend the final show and wrap party with the cast. Now THAT’S privilege!]
It’s true. Everyone IS a little bit racist. We ALL grow up with unconscious biases… it’s literally the byproduct of our parents, teachers, and other influences when we are young. It’s a residue of growing up.
Indeed, two of the racial incidents I mentioned above, were perpetrated by NON-whites. Furthermore, two undisclosed racial incidents in elementary school were perpetuated by ME.
The point—I am only beginning to realize now—is that it does not have to stay this way. We can and have to become the change. Furthermore, when it comes to other people who may be currently struggling with such issues, let’s be sure to deploy empathy and kindness rather than amplifying hate with hate. Even more, before you point the finger, be sure to look—with caution—in the mirror.
For now, and forever, let there be no mistake: #blacklivesmatter